i don't know

I cry, all the time. And anytime for anything.
I'm overly emotional. My emotions are psychotic and out of control. Yeah, not me, my emotions. My life is an unstable mash-up of every day disappointments, perpetual failed attempts at random things, and just plain and honest fuckedup-ness. It's not like everyday when I think of these things I throw myself a pity party. And this is not a pity blog. It's more of like, a DOES ANYBODY HEAR ME blog.

I keep having a dream about this one time when I was in a park with my boyfriend. We got into a pretty serious argument and he got up off the bleachers where we were sitting. He started walking away from me, down a dirt path, into the trees, into the park, away from me. I remember a split second where I just sat there and asked myself, is it even fucking worth it to run after him?

Well, I did. In those moments it felt like my legs weren't carrying me. It felt like they were failing me. He was so far ahead. So far away. It didn't occur to me that it was because he had obviously gotten a few minutes worth of a headstart. No. To me, my legs were failing. I was failing. When I was finally close enough to him to call his name without looking like some stalker-creep, he didn't stop. "Eric!". He fucking kept walking.

In my mind I said to myself, "If he doesn't stop at that next bench and sit down, this is over". And he stopped and sat down. And it's not over.

But it's something about that experience that humiliates me down to the core. It's like a metaphor for all the other colossally fucked moments in my short time on this earth.

eBay

I'm totally obsessed with eBay, and it's all my boyfriend's fault. I think it's such a convenient way to buy cool things that you can't really find in stores. There's lots of cool used stuff too. When I first started using eBay, I used money orders. And let me tell you, I didn't receive the majority of my items. Now I have Paypal and it's honestly so much better. 

Regardless, I've gotten some of my favorite possessions off eBay. From an autographed picture of Courtney Love, to a fiend skull belly ring. I just finished buying a really cool, one-of-a-kind  cigarette case, and I'll definitely post a pic of it.

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!

Ok, I'm about to pull a Chris Crocker or whatever that he-she's name is, but seriously I want people to leave Britney alone!

After watching her documentary last night, I almost cried for her. Of course, there's no way to really tell, but she seems like a really sweet girl. I don't think she went "crazy". Haven't you ever had your bad moments?

Also, everyone's saying this is her "comeback"... I think that's pretty accurate. I haven't liked her music since I was nine years old, and after hearing Circus for the first time, I can't stop playing it. Every single song is catchy. And, I don't know, I'm pretty happy for her. I don't like seeing people sad, or ridiculed, whether I know them or not. Whether I like them or not. So the bottom line is, I'm happy for Britney :)

elegant?

when i was a kid i used to watch Grease every day.  when it would get to the "beauty school drop-out" part, i would feel pity and hatred for Frenchie. first of all, who would go to a lame excuse for a school such as beauty school.. and second, why would you drop out?

well, right now i'm sitting at my computer eating a cheeseburger, drinking wine and googling every beauty school in Montreal. cosmetology has just become what i want to do, what i am all about.

i guess you really shouldn't judge a person's iq based upon how vain they are.