Christmas '10

so much shit

4 days til Christmas... *sigh* I was sick all last week so I missed a week's worth of pay, which sucks, but I got a Christmas bonus. Sweet. "God" works in mysterious ways I guess. I still have a ton of gift shopping left to do and I really suck at this stuff. I'm the kind of person who always wants to come off thoughtful, rather than just shove any kind of gift in someone's hands. But maybe I let me thoughts get the best of me because it has literally left me down-to-the-wire, last minute, freaking out. I was about to head out and so some shopping right now but I figured I'd update this thing first. I was thinking today that I never make new year's resolutions, and that maybe this was why I always feel like nothing in my life ever changes. As Ghandi said, "we must become the change we want to see". I find myself able to quote Ghandi a lot when it comes to any kind of shit that actually matters in life. Go figure.

Anyway, I want to start today. Based on many things that have been happening lately. The biggest, most important thing I can think of at the moment is to be more aware and thankful of the people around me. Never think it's ok to not say even a simple thank you. To be able to apologize and be the bigger person, to be able to forgive. To ask them about their day, their life, their feelings for a change. Today a woman who is a regular at the Starbucks I work at baked us a cake. And I just thought that was such a simple but enormously kind gesture of her. She never had to do that for people who she doesn't really even know, but simply did as a thank you. She once complimented my eyeliner and I remember being slightly embarassed, just because I felt very on-the-spot and not to mention just generally surprised that someone was engaging in real, non-coffee-related conversation with me. It's sad to be shocked by an act of kindness because that really shows us what kind of world we're living in. So I really took that to heart and I am choosing to run with this information. Resolution 1, done.

holiday blabber

...been a while since I've updated this thing. And we're so close to Christmas, that's how long it's been. Speaking of Christmas, I've been poring through cookbooks and cooking magazines, racking my brains, trying to find something holiday-worthy to bake. I'm also set to attend an Eid dinner this Friday(for those unfamiliar with Eid: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eid_Mubarak) so I'm actually searching for 2 recipes.. each one being unique to it's respective celebration.

I'm honestly a bit more excited for Eid than Christmas. Christmas is a bit of a sore spot for my family, always has been. I've been noticing lately though that it's like this for more families than I thought. Or people in general. Some people really, really love it but a lot of people really, really hate it. When I was a child I could never imagine why someone would hate Christmas. Or how they could, rather. But I totally see it now. The (sometimes wasted) money, energy, etc that goes into planning the dinner, the gifts, the perfect festive atmosphere. The more people that become involved in your life, integrated into your family, the higher the stress level gets. Especially when there are people you aren't exactly fond of...

But anyway, I can safely say that what I am for sure looking forward to this holiday season is vacation time!

you'll never find nobody better than me

is there? is there?

remember me...

Nobody's Daughter

track listing:

01) Nobody's Daughter
02) Skinny Little Bitch
03) Honey
04) Pacific Coast Highway

05) Samantha
06) Someone Else's Bed

07) For Once in Your Life
08) Letter to God
09) Loser Dust
10) How Dirty Girls Get Clean

11) Never Go Hungry

Alright. So I've always been a fan of Hole. When I first heard Courtney Love was coming back with a brand-new Hole, I was kind of put off by it. I thought, just like many other critics, "what the hell is she thinking?". I never even took a listen to this album until now.. and all because one of the songs was brought to my attention and I was like, "that's the new Hole?". Not bad. I believe the song was Honey. It really caught my attention. The album as a whole has a bit of a sad and dark feel. You can tell it all came from a very raw place. You can hear her very honest vulnerability on the song Letter to God, which I suspect is about her battle with drugs. It's a very moving and haunting song. "I always wanted to die. But you kept me here alive. Please tell me who I am". "I never wanted to be the person you see. But, thank you".

There are rougher songs, which remind me of old-school Hole, like Samantha, Skinny Little Bitch, Someone Else's Bed. Subject matters ranging from prostitution to a girl who is taking on too much than she can handle. I find most of these songs take getting used to, and there are some I just don't really like. But I suspect I'll be listening to this album for a while, long enough for it to become one of my favorites.. along with the rest of Hole's material over the years.


update: *August 10-2010* After just a few short weeks of writing this blog entry, I've listened to Nobody's Daughter non-stop. And as for those songs I "didn't like"... I love 'em all now!

how much a haircut can change a person

these pictures were taken almost a full year apart. it's scary to me how different I look just by one simple haircut.

Snooky Ookums

Hairspray!

Lately I've been obsessed with John Waters (look below, Divine post says it all). He's a fascinating man with fascinating talents, and I've come to find a comfort in his so-called weirdness. You see, I've always been the odd kid; the one who randomly becomes interested in different things and strange people, and is therefore alienated from their peers. I think they call that individuality these days, although I'm not too sure...Anyway, John Waters is a really interesting fellow. I admire his balls (if you will) when it comes to creating films and stories that are not what the masses are creating today. He is truly an individual and a raw talent, a person who sees the crude and crass ways of humanity and isn't afraid to exploit them. As I previously stated in my Sarah Silverman post, we are all disgusting: embrace it!

I think one of the most obvious movies to mention is Hairspray. If you weren't aware, Hairspray is not a movie that came out in 2007. Nor is it just randomly some Broadway play. Hairspray was written by John Waters and is one of his best and most timeless efforts to date. The original was released in 1988, and starred none other than his staple Divine, along with Ricki Lake, Debbie Harry and Sonny Bono, among others.

What's not to love about a movie, first of all, named Hairspray, which centers around issues we can all relate to. Beauty and ugliness (on the inside and out), being made to feel inadequate, doubting ones-self. Going to great lengths to prove everyone wrong. All the while, singing and dancing about. Not to mention, killer hairstyles and fashion all around. What a vision. What a sense of humor.

I fully intend on purchasing his latest book, a memoir called Role Models. Here's a recent clip of him discussing his book on The Colbert Report.

Meet Me in St-Louis

I'm drinking a Venti 6 pump Cinnamon Dolce Latte with Whipped Cream, Caramel, Cinnamon and Nutmeg. Needless to say, it's a heavenly little sugar rush. I should also mention that I'm watching Meet Me In St-Louis, which is hands down one of my top 5 favorite movies ever. I can't get enough of this movie. I love Judy Garland for everything that she has ever done. That voice, that face, that HAIR. I am obsessed with the fact that she is a redhead in this film. I have a weird little thing for redheads... And she makes an amazing one. I do have to admit I dyed my hair red primarily under the influence of this movie.

I remember the first time I watched this movie, it was around christmas-time, and the movie is a somewhat christmas-time-y story. Anyway, I remember going out in the cold, Canadian December weather just to grab a box of hair dye. That's how much I loved her hair. That's also how crazy and impulsive I am. But, I haven't changed my mind about it yet, nor do I think I will.

There ain't nobody better than me. Look at me, can't you see!?

Divine

Divine- actress, singer, model, icon- really picked the right name. She is nothing but that. I'm so enamored and intrigued by her, even 21 years after she's been gone. She was an entity unto herself. Still is, really. No one can revisit what she has done, or even try. I never really know whether to refer to Divine as "he" or "she", and I sometimes alternate between the two. And not because I'm confused about gender or sexuality or anything related to it- I just don't know which one seems more respectful. When you Wikipedia Divine, it is all referred to in the male context. After all, he was born Glenn Milstead. And he was damn gorgeous! But considering he underwent transgender surgery, one would assume it was because he wanted to be a she. So, for right now, she it is. I've been dying to get my hands on a copy of the original 1988 version of Hairspray, which stars Divine. I haven't been able to find a copy at any movie store because they all suck and don't carry any of her movies except for Pink Flamingos. And, I mean, you can only watch that movie so many times.. I'm fully planning on buying the book My Son Divine (which her mother wrote about her) with my next pay.

The Monkeyfaced Jew

It feels like ages since I've blogged.. and in reality it's been like, what, a week. I've just been pretty much working and living. Boringly so. I've been reading Sarah Silverman's book "The Bedwetter" and even though I'm an actual fan of Silverman's, I find it brilliant for a first writing effort. I think it would make anyone piss themselves of laughter. While some, or most, people think Sarah Silverman is nothing but a vile, vulgar, disgusting person, I think she's a breath of fresh air. I don't think that anything she has ever said has been particularly shocking, it's only shocking to those who live in a bubble. A bubble that floats on top of reality and looks down on it as though it's a dream. All she ever jokes about is every day life things, all truth. So how can people go around saying she's vile? Life itself is vile then. But it didn't take a genius to figure out that disgusting things do exist in this life. While writing a skit for her latest season of the Sarah Silverman Program (which recently has been cancelled) she had a fight with the Standards & Practices people, because they would not allow her to say "labia" on television. She responded with something like, "we said balls 18 times in our last episode, and you're not gonna let me say labia?" It's funny because apparently labia is gross-er than balls, but really? Balls are disgusting beings unto themselves. You can call someone a dick more times than you can remember in one day, and it will make people laugh, but the minute you call someone a vagina it's like "ew.. why did you go there?" And it's funny because even when the person in question is a woman, referring to body parts that she herself has, it's considered gross. Sarah Silverman is only considered "shocking" because she has a vagina. And that to me is pretty shocking... it's not like it's 1950, you don't have to cup your hand over your mouth in disbelief that a young woman is "misbehaving".

Trannies and Marilyn

I'm watching Some Like It Hot (for the first time ever) and I'm actually blown away by how groundbreaking it is.. for it's time, of course. I mean, trannies, gay references, alcoholism... in the 1950's. It brings to mind 2 movies I love: Transamerica and Connie & Carla. The latter, I've heard, was based on Some Like It Hot. And I've never realized I'm actually a fan of Marilyn Monroe's. And I don't mean in the "she's a hot icon" way. Some of my favorite movies are some of the pictures she's starred in but I never really payed attention to her as an actress... more for her personal life. But there's something about her that translates so well to the screen, specifically in roles where she is kinda of sad and troubled. Eerily enough, if I look very closely, I feel like I can see that she's not acting. She's genuine.

I awoke

Only to find my lungs empty

And through the night

So it seems I'm not breathing

And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be

And I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down

And I'm afraid

To sleep because of what haunts me

Such as living with the uncertainty

That I'll never find the words to say

Which would completely explain

Just how I'm breaking down

Someone come and

someone come and save my life

Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead

But now it's like the night is taking sides

With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind

Could it be this misery will suffice?

I've become

A simple souvenir of someone's kill

And like the sea

I'm constantly changing from calm to ill

Madness fills my heart and soul as if the great divide could swallow me whole

oh, how I'm breaking down

Someone come and

someone come and save my life

Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead

But now it's like the night is taking sides

With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind

Could it be this misery will suffice?

Starbucks

I officially start on Monday! Woo-hoo. Monday's just the rest of the orientation-type stuff, and Wednesday I get to jump right into the coffeemaking part. I'm very excited. I get to be a part of the "However You Want It" Frappuccino Happy Hour event. Actually, now that I think of it, I should be more nervous than anything else hahaha oh boy..

If you're not exactly aware of what I'm talking about, you can go here and read all the info'z

another pictures one

(L)

soo, I'm sitting in my room sipping an iced coffee.. eating a veggie samosa... typing on my BRAND NEW PINK SONY VAIO LAPTOP (you might recall my June 2009 post...) jeez, I couldn't be more excited. I'm acting 5 instead of 20. I'm so in love :) there's so much shit I probably really need to say right now but I'm sorry, I'm too preoccupied.

Birthday Gal

I, Celina V. Flores, have obtained a job. This is truly a beautiful thing. Although I do think it sucks that I'll be working on my birthday.. but whatever, moneh :) I can't wait to celebrate... and by celebrate I mean become very intoxicated. Anyway, I spent $60 today on like nothing. Starbucks has a dress code.. which, I own nothing appropriate for that dress code. Ugh. I can't believe I'm going to be 20. Two decades old. It's seriously mind-boggling. People my age (nowadays) have babies and their own place and travel across the world whenever they feel like it. I have none of those things.. but somehow I think I might be happier than all those people :)

hehehe

E says:
i am officially brewing coffee for the mermaid
omg im the little mermaid
I HAVE RED HAIR AND GREEN UNIFORM!
or im a leprachaun

- Andrew Scott Duncan - R.I.P Papa says:
i'd say leprachaun.. but then again thats just because im irish

E says:
ok then
im a motherfuckin leprachaun



so yes, I've acquired a job.. and if that tidbit doesn't give it away then you're probably just really slow. here's to the working life!

20 Random Ass Facts (That You Don't Need to Know) About Me

01) I don't drink (except on occasions)
02) I am a compulsive spender (I wouldn't say shopaholic because I actually dislike shopping, it's more that if I have money I buy shit for the hell of it)
03) I hate suburban areas.. I've never lived in a house, nor do I ever want to
04) I don't believe in idolizing people but I do tend to ask myself WWAD (what would Audrey, as in Hepburn, do?).. she is one of my few role models
05) I have a soft (maybe weak?) spot for pink lipstick
06) I have 2 butt-out blocks in my ashtray.. for no reason other than the fact that I bought a black one first, and then found a leopard print one that I couldn't not buy
07) I have a full length mirror with a blown up image of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's on it
08) I love my dog as though she were my daughter
09) I have 2 tattoos and 8 piercings
10) I'm a total nerd
11) I am a nice person but I'm also extremely direct. I don't hold my tongue if someone needs to be told where to go.
12) I hate jewelry (odd as that statement may seem to some people considering my piercings)
13) I have many celebrity autographs, the coolest ones among them being Paul Stanley & Courtney Love
14) I have a mini-collection of heart shaped boxes (so very Courtney Love)
15) I'm only 5'3 but with the attitude of someone who's 6 feet.. small but mighty!
16) I love guitar hero and rockband yet I hate video games
17) I can't draw to save my life but I can write like a mofo
18) I love to learn but I don't really like school
19) I don't eat pork
20) I like autumn and spring more than the other two seasons (I hate extreme heat and extreme cold, so it's a happy medium)

Telly

Television today kind of pisses me off..reason being that I don't give a fuck about gossip girls and "gleeks", much less reality shows about fake rehabs and BFF's. I pray for sitcoms to come on, and that statement in itself is pretty pathetic. The only good shows left on TV are the Law & Orders, and that's only because they've stood the test of time. When they end I will cry mysel a river. But I've been scanning TV show sites and I've stumbled across a show I honestly like.. It's called Ugly Americans and it's aired on Comedy Central. Of course we all know that the only good animated comedies left on the tube are on Comedy Central. Or make that the only good comedy period (even the news is funny... The Colbert Report, anyone?) When I find myself fucking bored on a friday night (like right now) I can pretty much rely on this show to provide some entertainment.

within you, without you

Rosa. 1913-2010.

there you have it. two pics of my tattoo thus far.. it has healed up and the swelling has gone down (thank God) but in the second clearer pic you can still see that my fore arm is still slightly huge haha also, I fucked up on the date! that will need to be changed to 1913. but other than that, I'm completely enamored. can't wait to get it finished :):):):)

fer shitz & gigglez

MyspaceBlog

remember a little thing called MySpace?
click the link above and sign into your account to read my hilarious/stupid teenage entries :P

drugs, tattoos, little liars

I am hopped up on drugs.
Don't get me wrong (or..get me wrong.. what do I care?)..
These drugs I speak of are the legal kind.. although I'm gonna have to put this out there and say; why the FUCK would this be legal as opposed to, say, mj. Like, I'm on these painkillers for a wicked stomach pain I've been having for like 3 weeks now (but in total, on and off for about 3 years). These things do nothing but make my legs go numb and, eventually, make me fall asleep. If the point of this painkiller is "if you're asleep, technically you're not feeling the pain", then congrats.. this is the best painkiller on earth. Not. These pains are sticking with a vengeance. I definitely need a)something stronger and b)an answer to this problem.. cuz, oh yeah, I guess I forgot to mention that everytime I've been to the hospital for this they have no solution. At least now, for the first time in 3 years, they've sent me home with some kind of help.. but of course, it doesn't work. Only my luck..

On a better note, I got a tattoo yesterday afternoon. I am completely in love with it. I never could have anticipated that it would be as nice as it is, it exceeded my expectations by far. And it doesn't hurt that the creator of said tattoo is an illustrating genius. I have seen many a shitty tattoo that has made me cringe and go "WHY ON EARTH?", and I think anyone who has tattoos has had that little fear everytime they get one.. like, "fuck, I reeeally hope this person doesn't fuck this up" or whatever. I am happy to say, as a person who only has 2 tattoos, that both experiences were perfect. I couldn't be happier with my 2 choices of tattoo artists. And they couldn't be more different, in style and execution and whatnot, but I guess that's what I like. The 2 completely different experiences resulting in 2 beautiful things that I love.

This tattoo was particularly special to me as it was to commemorate my great grandmother who passed away last month. I can't say she was a tattoo loving lady, but I think she would have loved it. I'll post pictures as soon as the last touch ups are done (or at least until my arm un-swells from it's balloon like proportions).


so, I leave you now on a (possibly) odd note:
I'm in love with the drumming on Dance Little Liar by Arctic Monkeys. It's somewhat creepy/tribal/sexy.


make sure to check out my new style blog, if you're interested in that sort of thing... www.caviarncigarettes.blogspot.com

PRA

I am currently writing to you from my iPod touch because I'm in the middle of watching Project Runway Australia and I had to take 5 seconds to say I'm obsessed. I know I'm late by like a year or something, but whatever. I love it! I love being able to see international talent even though I don't live in that country and were it not for the internet I wouldn't even know about the international versions of a show I already love. Ps: how cute is that Petrova Hammond? :)

sooner than later

in the corner of a crowded noisy hall
there's a picture of a girl on the wall
and she's looking at the tower in the city of love
that reaches up to the sky and way farther above
she has a look of wonder in her eyes
and I can't help but recognize it

as much as I feared you were gone
turns out you were here all along
in everything I've looked at
in every memory half-fizzled

you are the luckiest...
you've been to Paris when it sizzles

general boredom

my sister left for europe today and i'm really sad/lonely.. and my phone's cut off so it sucks a lot more than it already would have. seriously, i'm not gonna pay 50 cents on a payphone everytime i need to talk to someone. and keyword is need, because there are obviously time limits on payphones... so what about the nights where i don't necessarily NEED to talk to someone but i just fucking WANT to? then what. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

career/what lies ahead

I really want to study fashion design and every day that goes by it becomes more apparent and somehow more annoying.. there's a voice in the back of my mind that talks about it all day long and then there's another voice that bitches at me all day long for not getting up and taking the proper steps to go about it. I have a couple schools in mind that I'd like to apply to, and a handful of courses I'd like to take beforehand, like a simple sewing course or something to prepare me. Mind you, not being able to sew at all surely won't help me! I've found a couple make-up artist courses and even a school also that I'd like to check out.

The main thing that I think is stopping me is the thought (or maybe belief?) that just liking or loving something is not enough to mean that you are capable of/should be doing that as a living. The question really is, how do you know what's meant for you? I don't believe that anyone does. And I do believe in taking chances, and that if they don't work out, try something else. But sadly, I have to be realistic and I know that I don't have the kinds of funds that can support any mistakes in career choice. SOO, I'll probably be spending a lot of time thinking/blogging about this.

books I want