general boredom

my sister left for europe today and i'm really sad/lonely.. and my phone's cut off so it sucks a lot more than it already would have. seriously, i'm not gonna pay 50 cents on a payphone everytime i need to talk to someone. and keyword is need, because there are obviously time limits on payphones... so what about the nights where i don't necessarily NEED to talk to someone but i just fucking WANT to? then what. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

career/what lies ahead

I really want to study fashion design and every day that goes by it becomes more apparent and somehow more annoying.. there's a voice in the back of my mind that talks about it all day long and then there's another voice that bitches at me all day long for not getting up and taking the proper steps to go about it. I have a couple schools in mind that I'd like to apply to, and a handful of courses I'd like to take beforehand, like a simple sewing course or something to prepare me. Mind you, not being able to sew at all surely won't help me! I've found a couple make-up artist courses and even a school also that I'd like to check out.

The main thing that I think is stopping me is the thought (or maybe belief?) that just liking or loving something is not enough to mean that you are capable of/should be doing that as a living. The question really is, how do you know what's meant for you? I don't believe that anyone does. And I do believe in taking chances, and that if they don't work out, try something else. But sadly, I have to be realistic and I know that I don't have the kinds of funds that can support any mistakes in career choice. SOO, I'll probably be spending a lot of time thinking/blogging about this.